THREE SUPER SEXY SYRIA STATEMENTS

Lying your public into war just isn't as easy as it used to be – WHOOPEE!

All round the world – and importantly, all over the internet – humans with brains instead of celebrity obsessions are shouting

" Liar, Liar Pants on Fire!" as the Mainstream Media Muppets roll out their "chemical weapons" fake news. It just doesn't work anymore. You want proof? the liars scream, apparently surprised that you won't just wave a flag and shout MORE WAR PLEASE!Proof? Haven't you seen the VIDEO? Ah yes, another dodgy wobbly video that proves precisely nothing. And it's SOOO HARD to make a video these days, isn't it? And who produced this fuzzy, meaningless video? Gosh, it's the "White Helmets" (a curious name for people who are allied with Isis) -and who would have gussed it's exactly the same source as the last time and the time before that and they were FAKE.

Funny how -according to oh, lets say the BBC - every time President Assad is poised to record yet another success in destroying the Isis head-choppers who infest his country, he thinks, "screw that, who cares about Isis, I'll gas some women and children instead – that'll solve my problems!"

It would be hard to sell this bullshit to anyone bar a drunken porn addict with an IQ of 90 let alone the average drone in the street. But that won't stop them trying. Or "making statements". And boy, if you got no proof, you really gotta have a statement.

So, bearing in mind that no one has seen A SINGLE SHRED OF EVIDENCE PROVING ASSAD HAS DONE ANYTHING INVOLVING CHEMICAL WEAPONS ANYWHERE, EVER...

lets take a look at three of the biggest, most sexy Syria statements brought to you by your friends in the media...

Number One, courtesy of that impeccable source of British crud, step forward the one and only Times itself...

 " Last night...Theresa May won the backing of the cabinet to join in military action..." Well I hope you are as thrilled as me to hear that. Our glorious Leader and a dozen of her chums (who got their jobs from her) think attacking Syria is a jolly good idea so tally ho! 

How about a vote on this in Parliament? I mean, kicking off what could be World War Three, I mean a vote...well, I mean...yeah. right...

Number Two, it's the toy-boy globalist Prime Minister who never had a real job and married the schoolteacher who shagged him, Macron Le Muppet himself...he's actually got the proof!

  Mon Dieu! Macron has scooped Trump, Russia, the United Nations, everyone! He's got the proof. What a mother-of-all statements! (P.S. that was yesterday's statement. Today, he's got no proof at all, gasp, shock!)

Number Three  - Well, if  WW3 kicks off you'll probably hear it was the Sun wot dun it! Here's the UK's warmongering soaraway sexy Sun quoting Mr Trump...

 Get Ready Russia? Emm...Russia told the world two weeks ago there was a phoney FALSE FLAG chemical attack coming in Syria A WEEK BEFORE IT HAPPENED! They've been ready for ages.  They've been ready since we heard this same fake story in the same week last bloody year, for Pete's sake. (That was Trump's yesterday statement. Today he says "...maybe not so fast" - translation, maybe not so smart.)

Tune in later for more super sexy Syria statements...repeat until Syria obliterated...repeat...obliterated...repeat... (for obliteration details see Iraq, Libya etc.)