CRUISE THE WORLD WITH THE M.O.D.

It's 1941. Armed to the teeth, a German army of millions, backed by thousands of fighter planes and bombers has assembled on the coastline of France. The Nazi war machine is poised to swarm across the channel and invade Britain. But the UK
stands strong, the Air Force and Navy are vigilant and not a single German boat lands on British soil. The German invasion is thwarted and our security is assured.

It's 2019. Already this year, over 1000 crafty African chancers helpless refugees from Iran and Syria have sailed across the channel unopposed and gatecrashed the UK. The Royal Navy is nowhere to be seen. Kent police are left to deal with these international invaders desperate migrants. Anonymous government eunuchs squeak about 'difficulties' while the military authorities shrug. "Not a lot we can do about it."

Elsewhere on the pages of the Daily Mail, the Royal Navy is flaunting a £3 BILLION aircraft carrier (the HMS Queen Elizabeth) that we-the public- paid for. This gigantic useless hulk is on its way to America (?) where brand new Royal Air Force F35B Lightning Jets will practice taking off and landing.

[Fun Fact: The commanding officer of the HMS Queen Elizabeth has said that leaks are a “weekly” problem for warships, after the carrier suffered water pouring through several decks.]

Reality check - the Navy's got £3 Billion to spend on a colossal cruise to the states for no good reason but they can't defend the beach at Dover from Somali homeboys in jeans and trainers? Makes you wonder why the Nazis bothered with jackboots and machine-guns. On today's evidence they could have stormed the coast of Britain wearing tracky bottoms.

This story is brought to you by the Ministry of Defence. (Annual budget for 2019/20 a mere 52 Billion quid). 

                                                            MINISTRY OF D.E.F.E.N.C.E. 

That is, the Ministry supposed to defend Britain. Being an island, Britain is remarkably easy to defend. That's why for 500 years the Navy was kind of important to our National Security- what with miles of seawater being a bit of an obstacle and all that.

But de fence just ain't what it used to be. No fence here mate. No border, no wall, nuffink.  

Of course, we've got troops and tanks and planes 'defending' away like mad in Afghanistan, Syria, Iraq etc. 

Any chance of a bit of Navy being asked to defend the English Channel m'lud? I mean, call me Lord Haw-Haw if you like, but don't you think a couple of dozen motor-patrol boats could stop the occasional inflatable dinghy? Not exactly the Spanish Armada, is it?

(Quote from the Royal Navy website : "Courageous guardian. Powerful diplomat. Protector of trade. Humanitarian force for good. There's more to the Royal Navy than many ever imagine.")

Spoiler! The Ministry of Defence has vanished. It is no more, extinct, deceased. The MOD is actually an arms-dealing company which produces (a) unusable weapons for non-existent wars and (b) billions in profits for its directors.

The MOD will no more defend Britain than Boris will deliver Brexit. You see, there is nothing left to defend. Britain cannot leave Europe because there is no Britain. They've sold the lot – the Air Force, the Navy (nobody wants the Army) the water, gas, oil, the ports, the electricity, the trains, the highways and the air over your head. 

Pleasure cruise, anyone?

A couple of US Stealth Bombers patrolling the sky over Kent while migrant dinghies arrive on the beach below

Ian Andrew-Patrick