ACT LIKE YOU CARE AT THE ACTIVIST ACADEMY

We are all, surely, ‘Activists’ nowadays.

Whether we work in national or local Government, industry, finance, academia, science, theatre, media, medicine, the armed forces or the police service; whether we are university students or schoolchildren; we’re all dedicated to the ‘Great Re-Set’,  to ‘Building back Better’; all of us flag-waving enthusiasts for Diversity, Equality, and Inclusion. Indeed, it appears we are permitted little alternative.

And whether it be a campaign to tirelessly promote the obvious moral and creative superiority of all people with dark complexions; whether it be a Canute-like confidence in our ability to successfully manage overwhelmingly powerful natural forces that once covered much of Europe and the United States with a two-mile-thick ice sheet; or the ceaseless search to populate an ever-expanding list of bizarre new gender identities and evermore embarrassing varieties of sexual activity - if you really, really want to be one of the Movers and Shakers of the 21st century, it behoves any young person of ambition to be master of one or all of the skill-sets necessary for financially remunerative ‘Activism’.

‘Progressive’ parents therefore, concerned with just how young Giles and Penelope will be able to ‘get on’ in the modern world, will be asking - How can I find an establishment that will provide my offspring with the correct qualifications for success in these very competitive fields?

 

Fear not, Islington parents. For in a demonstration of the eternal ability of Western Capitalist society to invent surprising new career paths and income streams, I give you South London's 'Advocacy Academy' – a hall of learning where your infant progeny will be trained as professional Protesters. Irrespective of which form of 'Identity politics' the Left is plugging at any particular moment, the Academy will guarantee to produce the appropriate, comprehensively trained Kommissar needed to take command of the 'masses'. https://www.theadvocacyacademy.com/

THE ADVOCACY ACADEMY

I quote from their Prospectus -No matter what programme you’re on, you will work with the UK’s top change-makers to lead grassroots campaigns in your community, deliver speeches in Parliament, take to the streets in direct action, and influence the biggest conversations of the 21st century.

This prestigious six-month course consists of over 400 hours of interactive workshops, speakers, debates and real-life scenarios, where Advocates develop the knowledge, skills and confidence to campaign for change for the rest of their lives.

All on the level of Brando’s legendary reply in ‘The Wild One’ when asked what he was rebelling against – ‘Whadda you got?’[CLICK HERE to view scene on Youtube]

And after graduation from this august establishment - founded by veteran activists Amelia Viney, a professional Civil Rights lobbyist, and Saba Shafi, an Ivy League Management Consultant graduate  - there will doubtless be a Placement programme, to steer graduates into leadership jobs with appropriate political parties, campaigns, businesses, and 'charities'. A version of the Marxist 'Common Purpose' course - now compulsory for all the leaders of our ‘Public Services’ - but for kids. ‘Progressives’ have learnt from the Church – ‘Give me the child, and I will give you the man’. 

 

But then, turned loose on an unsuspecting world, armed with the necessary diploma; to whom can the starry-eyed young graduate look for inspiration as he, she, or it aspires to fame and fortune in our shining new ‘Progressive’ society? Well, obviously - to the leaders of ‘Black Lives Matter’.

In a 2015 interview with Jared Ball of the Real News Network, ‘Black Lives Matter Global Network’ founder Patrice Cullors claimed that she and co-founder Alicia Garza were ‘Trained Marxists’. So it should come as no surprise to the rest of us (though it seems to be to BLM supporters) that between July 2017 and June 2019 the BLM Global Network spent $4.5 million on consultants, travel and salaries while giving just $328,000 to local chapters. Black Lives Matter chapters have just noticed this. And, er, they're not too happy, judging by Twitter.

But never mind; in an example to all ambitious young Activists, and doubtless to the delight of poverty-stricken People Of Colour, ‘Trained Marxist’ Patrice has now inked an exclusive multi-million-dollar deal with the television arm of Hollywood’s legendary Warner Brothers Studios. ‘Characterised as multi-year and wide-ranging, the deal will see Cullors develop and produce original programming across all platforms, including broadcast, cable, and streaming.’ And - ‘Encompassing scripted and unscripted series, Longform series, animated and kids’ programming, and digital content.’

How proud the incorruptible saviour of the oppressed working classes, Karl Marx, would have been. Not to mention that stalwart proletarian champion of ethnic values, George Floyd.

HOW MUCH CHARITY CAN YOU EAT?

Perhaps the young Activist might instead be inspired to join the ever-growing Charity sector. After all, there are more than 185,000 separate charities registered with the Charity Commission in England and Wales, with 1,467,941 employees, and pulling in a total of £83,801,516,308 in donations in the latest financial year.

Yep, you forked out over eighty-three billion quid, folks!

It's one of the UK's largest industries, with around five thousand new charities being registered every year - roughly twenty a day. In London alone there are over two hundred registered charities working with homeless people. With four thousand ‘Rough Sleepers’ in London, and thus one charity for every twenty of them, it’s kind of surprising that this problem hasn’t been fixed by now - but then you couldn’t have all those charity workers suddenly finding themselves being made redundant, could you?

Or would the neophyte Activist feel drawn to a career with one of the big international charities? Maybe assisting in creating some of those endless television advertisements that beg us to replace all the Foreign Aid cash that virtuous but misunderstood Third-World leaders feel forced to steal from their countries in order to top up their meagre salaries? Cue a few miserable tents in a desert; the ‘White Helmets’ will have helpfully prepared the scene, covering everyone in flour and tomato ketchup, and pinching small children to make them cry. A grim-visaged veteran of reality TV shows picks up a dusty teddy bear; "Here, a poignant reminder..." - but all is not lost, you can save them for just two pounds a month.

FERAL FOR ALL 

In contrast, like so many other teenies, young Giles and Penelope might instead find their cages rattled by Simon Bramwell, the co-founder of ‘Extinction Rebellion’. Who cheered everybody up with - "We’ve also got to not only take down civilisation but shepherd ourselves and incoming generations back into a state of wilding as it were, into like a feral consciousness that is also one of the biggest tasks remaining to us." Thanks ever so much for that, Simon; can’t wait.

Or perchance they will be gripped by the fiery oratory of virtue-signalling thespian Emma Thompson, who is so environmentally conscious that she selflessly clocks up many thousands of miles by jet airliner, just to speak about Co2 pollution at ER demonstrations all over the planet. And who is so convinced that the ‘melting’ ice-caps are causing rising sea levels that she has, to the grief of an adoring UK public, announced her intention to move to a recently-purchased house in, er, Venice…

At the present juncture, it might, however, be wise for aspiring graduate Activists to avoid the complex minefield that is ‘Gender’ politics. After all, someone with as much ‘Progressive’ clout as multi-millionaire author J K Rowling, normally so keen on the ‘cancelling’ of anyone who has the effrontery to deviate from ‘Identity Politics’ holy writ, has to her total surprise and utter chagrin found herself ‘cancelled’ in turn by all her Beaujolais Bolshevik friends for no longer being quite ‘Woke’ enough for their taste – the inevitable result of failing to keep up with this year’s latest Gender fashions. After all, militant feminism is soooo twentieth-century, dahling, and nowadays unacceptably ‘offensive’!

AUBREY