Hate Week is Here! Kick a Russian and Win a Prize

Get yer hard-hats on, boyos! Ireland's princes of virtue have made a great start to Hate Week, targetting the Russian Embassy in Dublin with a stunning range of empty gestures. Because Ukraine. Grafitti highlights included Nazis and Fuck Russia. A truck driver rammed the embassy gates. "I've done my bit, lads!" he declared. A Catholic parish priest made a pilgrimage to throw red paint "symbolising the blood of the innocents". He then suggested burning the embassy to the ground. “It needs to be an option while they are still here,” he told the Irish Times. In other news, Paddy McGinty's goat was spotted kicking blue and yellow balloons over the embassy wall.

It's a tough gig being Russian in Russian Hate Week. In the smart end of London, the directors of Chelsea Football Club were outraged to discover that Roman Abramovich -the man who has owned  the team for the last 19 years- is a Russian. This, of course, is beyond unacceptable, so he's been told to sling his hook. When Roman rolled up in the Kings Road with a giant bag of stolen cash back in 2003, however, the same directors were remarkably unworried. Although Abramovich was a notorious criminal billionaire who got obscenely rich by siezing control of half Russia's energy industry at gunpoint when the USSR collapsed.  (Allegedly. Please don't shoot me, Roman -your good pal, Ian AP). 

I CAN'T BELIEVE HE'S A RUSSIAN!

 

To his credit, the popular Soviet mobster has taken this affront squarely on the chin. Abramovich cheerily announced he would sell the football club and give any profits to the people of Ukraine. (Masterclass virtue-signal there). And just to rub it in, as a goodwill gesture he told the Chelsea board they can forget about the one-and-a-half billion quid he lent them when they were flat broke. Which they will be again in about five minutes.  

KICK THAT RUSSIAN

Woke business has leaped into the collective-punishment free-for-all, with vitally important corporations falling over themselves in search of Russians to punish. The Savoy Grill is refusing to serve chicken Kiev. Greggs are poised to launch a range of Ukraine-themed pastries. Banks are siezing assets- oooh! (Isn't that what banks do all year round?)  Across the country, bottles of communistic vodka have been spontaneously poured straight down the drain in public, although not yet in Glasgow. Facebook and Instagram have suspended Russian accounts, so there is a silver lining after all. Tell me who we have to invade to suspend Twitter permanently and I'll be on that border tomorrow with a gun in each hand. 

A LEADER SPEAKS

“The people of Ukraine are fighting for freedom and democracy, not just for Ukraine but for the whole of Europe,” said UK Foreign Secretary Liz Truss. So now we know. 

Let's take these one at a time. Since 2020 the distinctly Euro-centric regime which employs Truss to talk trash has destroyed ten thousand British businesses including my own. I've been kenneled like a dog, forbidden to come within six feet of strangers, prevented from leaving the country and pressured to ingest government-approved chemicals against my will. I've been commanded to wear a cloth muzzle and forced into unemployment. Is that the "European freedom" for which Ukraine is fighting?  

Democracy, then, how's that going? Although I live in a "democracy" I detest the UK's corrupt Conservative regime. The regime that demands I accept limitless immigration, runaway inflation, climate hysteria and cultural annihilation, Woke gibberish and globalism.

I want none of that. So what do I do -vote Labour? It so happens that any Labour regime will demand that I accept -you guessed it- limitless immigration, runaway inflation, climate hysteria and cultural annihilation, Woke gibberish and globalism. 

That's your democratic options in 2020. Is this the "European democracy" Ukraine is fighting for? If so I damn well hope they lose. But of course it's not "Ukraine" that will lose -just a load of poor bastard Ukrainian people and miserable Russian squaddies. The only winners in a war are the fat, greedy arms manufactureres and they're just lovin' it right now. Arms for all - sell, sell, sell!  Watch and be amazed as Britain "stands firm" and "leads the way" -in other words, flogs hi-tech weaponry hand over fist to anyone with a few billion to spare.

Meanwhile, behind closed doors in his Fortress of Solitude, Klaus Schwab and his WEF henchmen are cackling in delight as their fiendish plan to collapse the entire western economic matrix bears fruit. Hate Week is in full swing and it's like the glory days of 2016 all over again. Russia elected Trump! Russia rigged the Brexit vote! Russia, Russia, Russia! Hate Hate! HATE!! 

And when, as it inevitably will, the gas goes off and the electricity vanishes, the snivelling crooks in Parliament will explain "it was the Evil Putin wot dun it" and we should be proud of ourselves for...for...something or other. 

 

No worries. So long as Boris has a six-point plan, who needs gas? All citizens claiming Universal Credit will be entitled to one complimentary half-pint of alcohol-free lager if presenting proof of vaccination status at an approved government bar (the only ones that will still be open). Lab-grown steak will  be strictly rationed, however. Potatoes will be generally available as a monthly treat for any household with at least one LGBTQ member. But nobody (except Russians) will go hungry. Emaciated  pensioners will always be welcome to nip out to the food bank for a "freedom snack". Make mine a low-fat Wichity-bug Sub with democracy sauce.  

 

In other news, the 2022 Cheltenham Festival of horse-racing begins next Tuesday. As is traditional, fifty million Irishmen will descend on the Cotswalds and spend four days staggering around in a blind, drunken frenzy of gambling, horses and hookers. It'll be done and dusted by Friday night, though, so everyone can fly back to Dublin in time for the Russian Embassy bonfire on Saturday. Spring is in the air.  

Ian Andrew-Paddy

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