Gary Lineker etc.: Normies In A Teacup

Here is your news honk honk. No, seriously, it really is. In a desperate bid for attention, a neurotic TV has-been parrots teenage shit-posters. Creepy  government parasites get excited and angry. TV station announces neurotic has-been is not going on TV tonight. Other neurotic has-beens refuse to go on TV tonight. In the papers, 100 headlines and 100,000 words get written. Outside of TV and media-world, nobody cares at all. Nothing of the slightest importance happened. WTF?

There must be a world where this kind of thing matters. A club where the price of entry is lobotomy. A domesticated-wildlife-enclosure where everybody gets a sofa, a party-bucket of KFC, a gallon of flavoured alcohol and an iphone to record the joy of living. 

In this parallel universe, it seems that citizens have their socio-political outlook curated by punchy ex-sportsmen who spent the best days of their lives banging inflated plastic balls with their foreheads. 

No less than 36 Conservative MPs and Lords signed a letter (a LETTER!) of complaint to the TV station. That's an awful lot of physical effort for these kind of folk. Finding their way to the right sheet of of paper. Actually dead-lifting the entire weight of an inert object (pen) and steering it across that piece of paper, leaving an almost legible mark (signature). Ordering their social-media intern to spread the bombshell on Twitter and Facebook: YOUR MP HAS TAKEN ACTION! 

Fascinating. If you wrote a letter demanding an immediate halt to all illegal immigration you couldn't get 12 of these limp leeches to leave a slime-trail on the envelope let alone sign it. But writing to a TV-station? Just look at those fireballs fly!   

They used to say politics was "show-business for ugly people". But thanks to the likes of Gary Lineker, showbusiness is now politics for stupid people. Politics, meanwhile, has become a retirement home for sexual deviants and middle-aged bimbos with dopamine addiction. Ex-footballer compares Tory policy to Nazi Germany. News? Are you kidding me? These 'journalists' should spend an hour in the student-union bar of any university in Britain. Everything from boiled eggs to Thomas the Tank Engine is compared to Nazi Germany-everything. In the Twitterverse, "Nazi Germany" is every place one millimetre to the right of Leon Trotsky.  

None of this should interest anyone with a mental age over twelve, and I cannot fathom why such soggy, soiled drivel is dragged out of the Portaloo and hoisted up to the level of headline news. 

It's high time we abandoned the outdated concept of representative democracy and replaced it with something more appropriate. How about we get MPs to dress in gender-neutral Roman army costumes and fight to the death blindfold, with blunt machetes and Stanley-knives, live on TV from Wembley Stadium every Saturday night?  I might even buy a telly for that.

Ian Andrew-Patrick