Fascism Thriving in Hateful Scotland

 

My countrymen gave the world the telephone, the combustion engine, tarmac roads and television, how’s that for innovation? Oh, but there’s more. As of Monday April 1st, Scotland is the official, global headquarters of prosecutable thoughtcrime. But like all brilliant Scottish inventions, this one streaks way beyond the possible into the realms of magic. King Yousaf of Palestinia has decreed that from tomorrow onwards, the thought-crime you commit is born in somebody else’s head. If they think you have hate in your mind, you are guilty -end of story.

Because there must be a title for every drop of bile erupting from the ulcerated belly of the SNP, this year’s runaway winner in the Crazy Law olympics is called The Hate Crime and Public Order Act. A better name would be the Shaft Thy Neighbour racket. It’s a troll-for-all, win-win thing, a Christ-free Xmas come early for the alphabet people, custom-written to enable the low-lives of cancel-culture and the narks of narcissism. If you disagree with your host over dinner, you can turn him in to the hate police, if that takes your fancy. If, god forbid, two of you feel like taking offense, you’ve got him over a barrel. Remember -no evidence necessary.

I have no idea why Police Scotland even exists, as its employees will do literally anything to avoid police work. You can lie screaming on the piss-soaked mattress that is all your burglar left behind, but don’t expect a Scottish cop to waste one precious minute on your tedious domestic grief. On the other hand, every last diabolical “hate incident” -calling a man in a dress a “man”, for example- will be investigated, declares Police Scotland. Well thankyou and fuck right off. On what planet does the public pay grown-up wages so uniformed couch-potatoes can enforce the sexual fantasies of the mentally ill? Welcome to Planet Scotland -it’s life, Jimmy, but not as ye know it. 

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Ian Andrew-Patrick